alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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