I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love accidental penises.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
