i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't deserve a penis
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
