Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
