He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just tell him i said nine months
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
