You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
