he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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