What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize