come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
