I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
