does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
