Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
