That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
