I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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