Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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