I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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