Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
