Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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(813): View more from Florida

there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.

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(616): View more from Michigan

hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job

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(917): View more from New York City

we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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(303): View more from Colorado

She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole

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(518): View more from New York

I can feel the alcohol in my calves

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(410): View more from Maryland

i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.

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(330): View more from Ohio

lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes

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