'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
