omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
