Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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