I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
