If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
