i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
