dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
