Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
