he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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