if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
