dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
