You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
