porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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