i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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