My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
