That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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