we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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