Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The struggles of a small town man whore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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