It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
