And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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