Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
