also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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