Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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