Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
