How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i will never coherently bang her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
