i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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