he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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