By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
