i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
