Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
