from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize