you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
