And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
