Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i've created a new STD.
50% drunk capacity currently
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
