that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
