Im at strip club and am horny
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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