you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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