Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
