you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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