Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
