I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
