He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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