i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
