Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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