I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
