I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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