I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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