my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
