You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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