how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
