I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
