I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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