All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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