Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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