While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
