got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I color on your dick again?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My feet surprised me
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