Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
