what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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