so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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