he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
